Archive for December, 2010

Kind of funny; I don’t think I’ve been this stable for several years now – since late September my mood has been normal.  Not sure if I can link it to a good medication regimen (a high dose of Lamictal these days, plus Seroquel for sleep and Wellbutrin to take the edge off of any lingering depression from the summer), less change in my life these days (no more classes or teaching; just research and seminars nowadays), the physical (as opposed to long-distance) presence of my partner, regular exercise (the new house is less than 2 miles from school, so I end up walking 4-5 miles a day when you throw in the rest of the places I go), or what.  It’s kind of odd; as the actual effects of the disorder itself fade into the background, I tend to forget about it.  Other than the side effects, that is.

Sleep has been difficult lately; as I type my jaws are aching from the bruxism (teeth grinding) and clenching that’s now a nightly occurrence.  Dropping the Wellbutrin down has helped, but it’s still a problem.  A lot of evidence indicates sleep is a huge factor in successful mood disorder management; for me it’s not a strongly statistically correlated factor, although it does have a strong effect on my pain levels and cognitive performance (to what degree that’s affected by chronic pain, medications, bipolar-induced insomnia, bipolar itself… it’s hard to say, unfortunately).  Thankfully for me the side effects have never been bad enough to make me consider stopping medication; when I need a reminder of why I should never do so, I go back and read my pre-medicated journals:

“i want to have a normal brain.  with sunflowers and sunny fields and why won’t it get better i want to know i don’t think antidepressants will help because i’m not depressed right now mr man i am not depressed right now i am not i am not i swear why won’t you listen to me you said i was depressed and that was true but right now i am as flighty as a sparrow look how sparrows fall didn’t they say something about god and sparrows or was that the story of god walking on the sand and there were two pairs of footsteps…”
Yeah, not something I need to re-experience, even if my poetry was better then.  Not much else to write; I should head for bed.


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